I took a sad goodbye today
I had to take a sad goodbye today. I woke up to the message that my grandad was dead. It wasn’t coming like a big suprise, he was 90 years old, had not eat, just been sleeping the last days. But still, it’s impossible to prepare for a loss of a person who means a lot to you. He was soo funny, nice, caring and wise. He had always a comment ready, and he kept his humor until the last days. But he was tired, and the body was not with him anymore. He spent his last year or two at a nursinghome, were he was very good taken care of.
It’s very sad and empty now, but in a natural way. There are a few things everyone have to go through, to be born, and to die. It is the circle of life. I read this a few months ago in the book Black Mamba Boy, and I remembered it today: ” Sometimes the dead are more alive than the living, no-one really dies, not while there are people who remember and cheris them”. It’s beautiful and very true.
It ha been a tough day though, we went to the smalltown me dad is from, where we met my aunts and uncles. I have seen one dead person before, that eas my grandmother, but that’s many years ago. The first minutes was very intense, and scary, his skin was turning almost yellow, and he did not look like my grandfather. At first, but after a while, I could see how peaceful he was. One of the sadest moments was when one of my aunts (wich has a kind of brain injury, so she is more like 10 years old, than a 50 years old), was going to say bye to her dad. The night before she said something like “Poor, sweet dad. He is going to Jesus soon”, but she was also worried because he could not drink milk. Even though the situation was sad, you have to smile of her sometimes. Today my dad said “He is dead now, he is not breathing anymore. He is in heaven, with mom now.” And she was like “No, he is not, he is lying right there, don’t you see?”.
Later we went up to church with the coffin, and had a small cermony with a open coffin. He was so peacefull with a beautiful flower in his folded hands, from his own garden. I am not very religious, but at that moment, when I looked at him, I could see that he was at a better place now, and that it has to be something more after the life on earth.
I’m sure that he was not afraid of dying. My grandmother died six years ago, his four brothers are dead, and many of his friends. He was also very religious, so he knew that he was going to a better place. And if there are such as heaven, he is the first one to get in. He worked most of his life in church, and has lived a great life. He has lived a good life, he has 5 children, 11 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. I love my family soo much, and I’m sure that he was proud of it.
Rest in peace, and sleep well.