“Life is beautiful”
I started to think about something. Who am I? How do people look at me as a person? Do they think I am nice? a good girl? pretty? smart? stupid? I have always heard that your past defines you. By reading the Secret, I know I must let go of my negative emotions and feelings from the past, but for me, that is not that easy.
You see, I have changed a lot during the years, actually several times. My life has taken several diffrent directions and turned my life up-side down so many times. I hear all the time ” Ahhh I remember how you were before Marte!, HAHAHAHA”. People laugh,and I do to. Maybe I was a little weird, but there is more that meets the eye.
When it comes to my looks, I have always been a little chubby. Hanging around with Barbies didn’t exactly give me confidence. Luckily for me, my dad is a personal trainer. We started to work out when I was about 12 years old, and my weight slowly went away. I became happier. We started to work out with a woman, called “Mary”. Mary was tan, fit and very friendly. I liked her, and I looked up to her. But, life took a direction. It turned out that my father had an affaire with this woman. A lot happened. Mary started to call me and theratened me about my family, and that if she would do anything to ruin my family. This chase actually went to court. My dad ended up with sitting six months in jail. This period lasted over three years. At first I didn’t tell anyone about it. I kept it all inside me, and that was difficult. Kristin was one of the first people I told it to, she is such a good friend, and without her, I wouldn’t have survived. During that period, I changed. I was now responisble for my family while my dad was gone. My mom descided to forgive my dad, and their marriage today is better than ever. I have one little sister, and I felt really responsible for her during this time. At the time, she was only eight years old, and didn’t understood alot. Because of all of this, I changed. I didn’t really appriciate things, didn’t really “love ” my life and my swimming, sucked.
My point is, during the last years, I am finally over this. I have actully got a confidence, and I am really satisfield with my life. I have forgiven my father, but I am still very bitter and angry sometimes. I became an adult very quick, and therefore I also think many negative thoughts , because of everything that as happened. I am really trying to change my way of thinking, but it will take some more time. Life is beautiful, and things will always be better, unmatter how dark it seems 🙂