I took a sad goodbye today
by marteandkristin
I had to take a sad goodbye today. I woke up to the message that my grandad was dead. It wasn’t coming like a big suprise, he was 90 years old, had not eat, just been sleeping the last days. But still, it’s impossible to prepare for a loss of a person who means a lot to you. He was soo funny, nice, caring and wise. He had always a comment ready, and he kept his humor until the last days. But he was tired, and the body was not with him anymore. He spent his last year or two at a nursinghome, were he was very good taken care of.
It’s very sad and empty now, but in a natural way. There are a few things everyone have to go through, to be born, and to die. It is the circle of life. I read this a few months ago in the book Black Mamba Boy, and I remembered it today: ” Sometimes the dead are more alive than the living, no-one really dies, not while there are people who remember and cheris them”. It’s beautiful and very true.
It ha been a tough day though, we went to the smalltown me dad is from, where we met my aunts and uncles. I have seen one dead person before, that eas my grandmother, but that’s many years ago. The first minutes was very intense, and scary, his skin was turning almost yellow, and he did not look like my grandfather. At first, but after a while, I could see how peaceful he was. One of the sadest moments was when one of my aunts (wich has a kind of brain injury, so she is more like 10 years old, than a 50 years old), was going to say bye to her dad. The night before she said something like “Poor, sweet dad. He is going to Jesus soon”, but she was also worried because he could not drink milk. Even though the situation was sad, you have to smile of her sometimes. Today my dad said “He is dead now, he is not breathing anymore. He is in heaven, with mom now.” And she was like “No, he is not, he is lying right there, don’t you see?”.
Later we went up to church with the coffin, and had a small cermony with a open coffin. He was so peacefull with a beautiful flower in his folded hands, from his own garden. I am not very religious, but at that moment, when I looked at him, I could see that he was at a better place now, and that it has to be something more after the life on earth.
I’m sure that he was not afraid of dying. My grandmother died six years ago, his four brothers are dead, and many of his friends. He was also very religious, so he knew that he was going to a better place. And if there are such as heaven, he is the first one to get in. He worked most of his life in church, and has lived a great life. He has lived a good life, he has 5 children, 11 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. I love my family soo much, and I’m sure that he was proud of it.
Rest in peace, and sleep well.
Love Kristin
Our thoughts go with you at your time of loss…
My thoughts are with you, I lost both my grandmothers within two years and it was very hard to deal with, so I know how you are feeling right now! Hugs and prayers to you! X
what a beautiful post and i can almost see your grandfather laying there serene and with a flower in his hand. from his own garden is such a beautiful touch. bless you and your sweet sweet post. my thoughts are with you and your family and your loss today.
my grandfather died before i was born. i was told he died in his own garden. mmmmm…life.
Thank you, what a nice comment! I’m sorry that you did not get the chance to meet him. One of my grandmothers died of cancer when I was 2 years, she was only in her late 50s.
So sorry to hear about your grandad. My grandad has been very sick too. Mom drove up to Massachusetts to be with him. He’s 86 and had a stroke a year ago.
Thank you! And I’m sorry about your grandfather as well, I hope he will recover.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes the longer they are with us the more we miss them.
At my sister’s father in law funeral I told my four year old grandson who loved the old man like a grandfather that Grandpa Taber was in heaven with the angels. Well, as the choir sang from the balcony, Nicholas kept twisting around in his seat for a better view. He kept looking up even after the choir had finished and I asked him what he was looking for. ” I am looking for grandpa, you said he was with the angels.” I thought of that when you spoke of your aunt.
Children are such a joy and I’m sure you gave your grandfather much joy. That is a good thing to remember.
Thank you. I think it’s okey to laugh a bit of stories like that, death doesn’t have to be so scary and serious.
Have a wonderful day
K ~ I’m sorry for your loss. Your little essay is a lovely tribute to your grandad.
D
gone where? we are never really gone, just not here
My condolences for yout loss.
Hi Kristin: My heart goes out to you for the loss of your grandfather. I see from your post that you know that our loved ones never really leave us though it hurts still for time being. Whenever you feel sad, think of a happy memory of your grandfather and that will help!
Thank you!
you have remembered him here in a very lovely way.
I am sorry for your loss, Kristin.
You told this story beautifully. It is clear that your granddad was very loved.
Thank you!Feels good to write it down.
Thank you so much for sharing this. My Grandmother is 85 child of God and is she is losing touch with reality quickly. Faster then expected. Its hard to think of her gone but I don’t want to be selfish if her mind and body are tired and are ready to be with the Lord. I am not religious either but I do have a close realationship with God and Jesus Christ. Its the only reason I was made aware of this post. Please pray or learn to pray. My Grandmothers prayers saved me from true distruction and I only pray that I am able to do the same for my grandchildren. Its hard to imagin her gone out of mylife when she was such a big part of it. Thank you for sharing this you truley have helped before the storm. Peace and blessings. Stacey
I’m very glad if it helped you. I can promise you that it will be empty and sad, but it will also (for me at least) feel good in a very strange way. You don’t want to see your grandparents or others you love in pain. You and your grandmother is in my thoughts. Love Kristin
My heart goes out to you, Kristin. It’s easy to see how much you loved your grandfather. I hope that in time you’ll be able to sense him looking down at you, trying to give you strength or lighten your load a bit.
I feel my parents trying to give me courage when I’m sticking my neck out, trying something new. I can feel their love surrounding me.
Thank you Linda. Means alot. Have a beautiful day.
Kristin,
You have written an eloquent eulogy for your grand father. I too am a grandfather – 70 years old now. So, I pray to God that my grandchildren too should write about me like you have written about yours.
Life is but a stopping place,
A pause in what’s to be,
A resting place along the road,
to sweet eternity.
We all have different journeys,
Different paths along the way,
We all were meant to learn some things,
but never meant to stay…
Our destination is a place,
Far greater than we know.
For some the journey’s quicker,
For some the journey’s slow.
And when the journey finally ends,
We’ll claim a great reward,
And find an everlasting peace,
Together with the lord.
Yes, especially when the imnocent thinks it, its true.. He is in a better place now..watching over you..
I’m so sorry for your loss. Good thoughts your way.
Reblogged this on Impressions and commented:
Kristin,
You have written an eloquent eulogy for your grand father. I too am a grandfather – 70 years old now. So, I pray to God that my grandchildren too should write about me like you have written about yours.
Life is but a stopping place,
A pause in what’s to be,
A resting place along the road,
to sweet eternity.
We all have different journeys,
Different paths along the way,
We all were meant to learn some things,
but never meant to stay…
Our destination is a place,
Far greater than we know.
For some the journey’s quicker,
For some the journey’s slow.
And when the journey finally ends,
We’ll claim a great reward,
And find an everlasting peace,
Together with the lord.
Thank you very much, that’s nice of you. And you sounds like a very good and loving man, so I’m sure that your grandchildren will say the same about you, that I do about my grandfather. I liked the poem!
I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’ve been in a similar position myself as I’ve lost my grandpa at the end of January and it still feels like it happened yesterday. I lost my grandma four years ago, and it was my first funeral too, just like you. Even if I’m 27 now. Nothing can be said, I painfully know that. I still go to their place almost everyday, just to make sure I still fill them around. And I always do. As long as you still feel their presence around, and in you, they’ll never be forgotten. Take care of yourself.
Thank you. And I’m sorry for you too. We had not been born with out them, so you can say they are a big part of us, and it’s very sad when they are gone. But the memories will live forever.
So sorry for your loss! I still miss my Grandma, even though she died 37 years ago. I feel for you.
Alicia
Thank you Alicia. And grandparents are a important part of us, so I can understand that.
So sorry for your loss. I lost both of my parents before Christmas and am still working through the grief. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you. And I’m very sorry about you loss to!
This is a touching post. I know these feelings you write so honestly and I offer you my sincere condolences.
I’m very sorry to hear this, but I’m glad you have such a positive view of death. I too think it is only a transition (in fact I know that for a near-certainty, based on some things that have happened to me), and I am always happy for people who make it peacefully after a long full life, as it sounds like your grandfather did. That’s the best that anyone can hope for. Now I know he is watching over you, as your own personal guardian angel. Blessings to you!
So sorry for your loss. I understand how challenging it is when you lose someone close to you. When you’re ready, my blog has an entire category on the positives of death and dying. I don’t expect everyone to be on the same page w/me in their worldview, but if EVEN ONLY one of these columns helps, then I’ve done what I can.
Check out my category:
http://cjpwisdomandlife.com/category/death-and-dying/
when you’re ready.
Blessings
–
Chris
Oh Kristen, I know how hard that is (((hugs))) I was very close with my grandmother and we wrote each other letters all the time until she was in really bad shape with Parkinson’s and osteoporosis. I kept writing to her and someone would read them to her. In the end I knew it wouldn’t be much longer but when the day came I still wasn’t ready. It just doesn’t seem right does it…. do have such beautiful people taken from us. I know she isn’t hurting anymore but I guess I’m a little selfish in that way. My mom was a hard one for me too. He didn’t get along a lot but seeing in in that coffin was hard. I also just lost my uncle on march 2nd. I’ll be thinking of you. I wish there was a way to make it easier but there isn’t.
Sorry to learn of your grandfather’s passing. How wonderful that he was able to live such a long and fruitful life and be part of your life for so many years. My deepest condolences.
Thank you. I’m very thankful for getting to know him!
Losing a grandparent is really tough. Mine are all gone, now, the last one in 2008.
But I realized that they are gone in body only. I retained them in spirit, in my spirit. I remember their wisdom and their love and that will never die.
My deepest condolences.
I personally think that “De profundis” by Austrian poet Georg Trakl is very touching and somehow comforting in case of death. (especially when you write that you are not really religious, but find some connection to it. this poem speaks of the silence of God and and the voices of angels.) I don’t know whether you think the same way, but I’ll post it here (in German and English).
De profundis
Es ist ein Stoppelfeld, in das ein schwarzer Regen fällt.
Es ist ein brauner Baum, der einsam dasteht.
Es ist ein Zischelwind, der leere Hütten umkreist.
Wie traurig dieser Abend.
Am Weiler vorbei
Sammelt die sanfte Waise noch spärliche Ähren ein.
Ihre Augen weiden rund und goldig in der Dämmerung
Und ihr Schoß harrt des himmlischen Bräutigams.
Bei der Heimkehr
Fanden die Hirten den süßen Leib
Verwest im Dornenbusch.
Ein Schatten bin ich ferne finsteren Dörfern.
Gottes Schweigen
Trank ich aus dem Brunnen des Hains.
Auf meine Stirne tritt kaltes Metall
Spinnen suchen mein Herz.
Es ist ein Licht, das in meinem Mund erlöscht.
Nachts fand ich mich auf einer Heide,
Starrend von Unrat und Staub der Sterne.
Im Haselgebüsch
Klangen wieder kristallne Engel.
- – -
De profundis
It is a stubble field, in which a black rain falls.
It’s a brown tree, that stands alone there.
It’s a hissing wind, that circles empty huts.
How sad this evening.
Past the hamlet
The soft orphan still gathers sparse ears of corn.
Her eyes graze round and golden in the dusk
And her womb awaits the heavenly bridegroom.
On the way home
Shepherds found the sweet body
Putrefied in the thorn bush.
I am a shadow far from sinister villages.
I drank God’s silence
From the fountain in the grove.
Upon my forehead cold metal steps
Spiders seek my heart.
It is a light that extinguishes in my mouth.
At night I found myself on a heath
Covered with rubbish and the dust of stars.
In the hazel bush
Crystal angels sounded once more.